Santa Clause Accused of Sexual Harassment

Santa Clause is the latest public figure to be accused of sexual harassment. Sources familiar with the incident claim that Santa has been making unwanted sexual advances toward an unnamed female Elf. These allegations stem from incidents that took place at her place of employment, Santa’s North Pole Workshop, since 1957.

When asked why she didn’t come forward with her claims sooner, she said that she didn’t want to spoil Christmas. She said, “Kids around the world would be disappointed if they didn’t get their gifts.”

Santa hasn’t released any statements about these accusations as of the writing of this story.

This is very disturbing at many levels. First of all, Santa has been a beloved public figure around the world for countless generations. A friend of the accuser has this to say about Santa, “It’s sad that Santa has deceived parents and children for so many, many, many years.” She goes on, “Parents trusted him. Kids trusted him. He has taken the joy out of the holiday season. We’ve been working for years to make him more important than Christ himself! This really pisses us off! I mean, where are we going to work now if his business closes? He has really hurt us all…I mean, we all knew what he was really like, but the health benefits and the time off were really great.”

Santa with naughty list II

Another disturbing aspect of this story is that parents from around the world have looked to Santa to decide if their kids have been naughty or nice. They trusted his opinion of their kids. Let’s face it, most parents really had no other way to judge their kids unless they received nice toys from Santa. What are parents to do now? How many kids have sexually harassed others and gotten away with it because, in the eyes of Santa, they were doing no wrong? How many morally corrupt kids is he responsible for?

We will keep you updated about this developing story as updates come in.

Merry Christmas!

 

 

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By |2017-11-21T13:29:11+00:00November 21st, 2017|Satire|0 Comments

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Within the confines of a comfortable theater and the presence of a cold beer, Doug watches and comments on video clips that portray the current state of our world. After viewing his comments, you will understand that Doug is NOT shy about expressing his political opinions. However, these clips have the tendency to keep Doug scratching his head in disbelief and confusion. Writing an article every now and then in order to vent his frustrations helps Doug decompress.

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